Captain Obvious - Superhero or Stalker?

“I was just enjoying a normal stroll. I noticed there were footsteps behind me . . . Was it Randy? No! It was Captain Obvious! He said, 'I'm stalking you.' But that was so silly! I continued walking . . . But then I realized he was planting a tracking device on me! By gollywhocks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!”

Such was the story of many innocent locales. Captain Obvious has become a pop culture phenomena, generating his very own series of comic books. In fact, his slogan on every issue is, “This is my comic book.”

But is there a dark side to the massively popular superhero? Some researchers think so. Recently, an unauthorized transaction with the Stalker Squad has been found, directly linked to Captain Obvious. In exchange for kryptonite tracking devices, Captain Obvious will assist the Stalker Squad in the “Every Child Stalked” act, commissioned by Randy.

What he'll do with the kryptonite tracking devices is unknown. Superman recently remarked, “He has kryptonite? By gollywhocks! AHHHHH!!!!!” He then ran away from the scene.

“It's incredible all the people that are jumping onto the stalker bandwagon,” says stalker researcher I. A. Brouhaha. “Stalking is becoming a massively popular hobby.
Either way, it's just another way Randy is STALKING the world.

Google Secretly Partners with Stalker Squad

Google has often been accused of taking over the world. Now, it's going to STALK the world!

A stalker insider (who wishes to be unnamed) says Google recently made a 5 billion dollar deal with the Stalker Squad. In exchange for 999999999 tracking devices, Google will now have the ability to stalks you anytime, anywhere. Using a Super Hi-Tech Ultra Awesomeness Pwnage Tracking Device (SHTUAPTD), Google raids your computer and finds your personal information. The information is then relayed to Google, which is relayed to the Stalker Squad, and then Randy stalks you!!!!!!

How the SHTUAPTD works is not entirely clear. Stalker researcher I. A. Brouhaha says, “We believe that Google sends little elves through wires, and then they start raiding your computer.” Others say highly – trained frogs and hippopotamuses. Either way, the threat is here. Google will stalk us all!!!!!!

Nanostalking – The Wave of the Future?

Tracking devices have become synonymous with stalkers. In fact, the Stalker Squad has been reported to have over 999999999999999999 of these devices.

But are a new breed of these stalker trinkets coming? Some stalker scientists think so. Researchers at the MIS (Massachusetts Institute of Stalking) have developed a new kind of tracking device, one billionth smaller than current ones.

“It really is an exciting development,” says stalker researcher B. Gollywhocks. “This can be the future of stalking.”

Nanostalker tracking devices will be the size of red blood cells, small enough to fit through blood vessels. The challenge, however, is how to get them into your body.

“Some researchers are trying to make them go up your nose, ear canal, or mouth. Others are experimenting with injections.”

In fact, nanostalker tracking devices have been found in flu vaccines and other shots. Dr. BillyBobJoe says, “I had no idea I was stalking people! I just wanted to prevent the flu!”

Nanostalker tracking devices will be available for public purchase some time in November for around $999999999999999999999999999999999999999999. Look for them soon!