“I was just enjoying a normal stroll. I noticed there were footsteps behind me . . . Was it Randy? No! It was Captain Obvious! He said, 'I'm stalking you.' But that was so silly! I continued walking . . . But then I realized he was planting a tracking device on me! By gollywhocks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!”
Such was the story of many innocent locales. Captain Obvious has become a pop culture phenomena, generating his very own series of comic books. In fact, his slogan on every issue is, “This is my comic book.”
But is there a dark side to the massively popular superhero? Some researchers think so. Recently, an unauthorized transaction with the Stalker Squad has been found, directly linked to Captain Obvious. In exchange for kryptonite tracking devices, Captain Obvious will assist the Stalker Squad in the “Every Child Stalked” act, commissioned by Randy.
What he'll do with the kryptonite tracking devices is unknown. Superman recently remarked, “He has kryptonite? By gollywhocks! AHHHHH!!!!!” He then ran away from the scene.
“It's incredible all the people that are jumping onto the stalker bandwagon,” says stalker researcher I. A. Brouhaha. “Stalking is becoming a massively popular hobby.
Either way, it's just another way Randy is STALKING the world.
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