“One normal day, I was walking home,” says an anonymous bystander. “Then all of a sudden, I heard a BOOOOOM!!! I turned around, and the government building was gone!”
Such is the story of many people living in the area. Yesterday night, the government building spontaneously exploded, for no apparent reason. Fortunately, no one was hurt, but all the survivors are suffering from post traumatic stalker disorder.
“Most buildings don't explode,” says Captain Obvious. “I think Randy has something to do with this!”
Stalker researchers say that Randy planted a broccoli head in a desk. This broccoli secretly had a tracking device in it. An unassuming employee picked it up, and the broccoli became alive! This employee accidentally tripped, and fell on the floor, dropping the broccoli. However, the veggie then fell into a chute connected to an experimental nuclear fusion plant. It just so happened that the plant didn't like broccoli, and it decided to EXPLODE!!!!!!!!!
But was it a coincidence that the plant didn't like broccoli? Researchers think not. O. M. Golly says, “What's the chance that a nuclear fusion plant doesn't like veggies? And then what's the chance of not liking broccoli? Slim to none. We believe that Randy coordinated this, making sure ahead of time that it didn't like broccoli.”
The federal government has now raised Stalker likeliness level to “By gollywhocks we're all going to get stalked!”
1 comment:
But--I don't understand! Randy's my BFF! Why would he do something awful like that? I DON'T KNOW! But then again, Randy did steal a remote that allows him to be anywhere at any time. That was partly my fault... but it was an accident! I'm not very good at catching things! I guess Randy will do anything to stalk people... the world makes no sense. I'm going to go eat a twinky. Please don't stalk me. Birger.
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